case study 004 - entry 01: ankh

[birdofavarice]

Is there a point to this?

I don't care if everyone else is doing it. That doesn't mean anything to me. Why do you want to hear what I have to say? Just to taunt me about it?

That man doesn't count as my Eiji. All he ever did was toy with me. He guilted me over what I wanted and shoved me away and tore at me and only warmed up to me once he was asleep and his body subconsciously reached out for mine. Nothing ever came from us being in each other's presence. I never gained anything except dealing with the problems he brought.

The man before that doesn't count either. I was only a side amusement, a substitute for the real thing when it wasn't there. He felt sorry for me and that was the only reason he ever gave me attention. If I asked for anything, I was refused.

I suppose those are the consequences of a human existence. I'm better off alone.

That's fitting, isn't it? Considering I'll never get a chance to do anything except make passing commentary. There's no reason for me to exist anymore. There's never been a reason for me to exist, because no one has ever wanted me. It's their loss, I suppose. Who needs distractions like that?

I'll find something better to do.